Title: INTERSTATE ‘82
Genre: Racing / Action
Big Word: Punk
Strap: Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1982

You may remember Interstate ’76 (PCG 43, 64%). You may remember it with some fondness. It was the 70’s, and whether you lived through them or not, the 70’s were a laugh. People had big hair and enormous trousers, people listened to terrible music and did bizarre pointy dances. Pure hilarity. The 80’s, however, were awful. Step forward Interstate ’82.

If you can remember the original, you’ll recall that it was a driving games of sorts, in which you had to hurtle around shooting at other cars, and wear big hair and enormous trousers. Now, if you will, imagine the same, but relocated into the early 80’s. Gone are the afro’s and leg tents, gone are the Starsky and Hutch funky rhythms, all replaced with… well, um, 80’s stuff?

And herein lies the first problem: the 1980’s were dreadful. There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t regret the choices they made in that decade, except perhaps for Boy George, but he doesn’t really count.

The formula is familiar; you must drive about in your heavily armoured car, and shoot at the other cars until they be banged up to bits. When you have killed all that need the killing of done to them, you move on to the next level to do it again, this time with feeling. In a crazy twist, in this new game, you can get out of your car and run about on foot as well. Until you are run over and think better of it.

The aforementioned "you" is Taurus, a "legendary road warrior". You are searching for your long-time partner, Groove Champion, missing in the midst of an auto-terrorism all-time high. As you plough through missions, more guns and toys can be added to your car, making you a meaner leaner… Wait. No it doesn’t. But it does mean that you can destroy "top secret forces", which is always useful.

There is only one fair criteria upon which to judge a driving game, and that is the realism of the car. The sound you can hear is people laughing. Your car handles like a speed boat and there really isn’t much to add to that. In the same way that speed boats can spin on the spot, fly through the air, bounce on landing, or be used for a quiet fishing trip, so can your mechanically insane vehicle.

But worthy of special mention is the whole new approach to fogging. For a game that believes a PII 350 to be of a minimum spec, we are talking a new level of graphics here. We are talking the worst bloody fogging ever in history ever, ever. Instead of the approaching scenery shrouded in a white mist that clears as your get nearer, the approaching scenery doesn’t exist until you practically drive onto it. It them slowly forms out of the ether, first cloudy white, the solid. What exactly is the required 3D card doing?