Title: Mini Golf
I think it is fairly safe to say that there is no one who has ever packed a picnic, put the kids in the back of the car, checked for sun cream, and then set off for a day at the crazy golf course. Instead, crazy golf is more traditionally the last resort of a miserable day out: The beach is awash with more used needles than sand castles, the restaurants are all filled with old ladies in loosely fitting bikinis eating dubious smelling seafood, and the rain has just changed up from torrential to monsoon… All that is left to do is to push a chipped ball around with a rusting putter, hoping to clear the broken windmill and float towards the drowned hole. And all of this is infinitely more fun that playing Mini Golf.
This doggydoo do of a game is truly appalling in every conceivable way. Sound, graphics, and controls aside, the most important factor of such a game is the physics. If you are to bounce a ball around eighteen uninspired and careless greens, you at least want some form of accuracy for manoeuvring your little round number. You have none. The edges rebound the ball in the manner of a pinball table, propelling it in random directions at random speeds, removing any application of skill during play. The eighteen holes are easily finished in less than fifteen minutes, with no adaptable features to encourage replaying anything. And the crowd whoop and cheer when you lose.
If someone held a gun to your head and told you to play Mini Golf or they
would kill you, choose to have the bullet firmly en-lodged into you cranium, and
hence a quick and merciful death.
Developer: No. 2 Games (honestly)